my mommy thoughts for couples without kids

I'm so excited for the evening to come. Tonight, Joel and I are going on a date night... without Levi. It's something we've only done once in the last year. (Even though we'd swore we would do it every month.) 

 I'm going to get dressed up in more than leggings and sweatshirt. I'm going to put on my makeup. I'm going to actually fix my hair. I'm going to wear a bra with no nursing clips. We're going to drop him off and spend hours together eating and enjoying. The where's and what's are still unknown to me as Joel loves to surprise me.... but rarely succeeds with my overly observant and analyzing investigating.

I honestly could care less where we go. We could go to Chick-Fil-A and a rollerskating rink and I'd be happy. I think it goes without saying, that I adore Levi and I love being his momma. I love getting to stay home with him in the week and watching our family of 3 (+Xena) interact all together on the weekends. But every now and then, I just want some Husband time. 

I remember when we were struggling to get pregnant and people would tell me to "just enjoy this time with Joel." If I'm being honest... that phrase used to run all over me. Mainly because when you're struggling to get pregnant every "quick fix" or "diffuse the situation" line feels like salt on a wound. I had my "logical" reasons of course. I felt like it insinuated that just because we were hoping for a baby that we automatically weren't enjoying the time just us... which we were. Also, in that overly sensitive season, it felt like they were saying life was better before kids.... which just made me angry. Lastly, given that we had opted not to prevent pregnancy for the first few years and just jumped right in, it made me feel as though they were judging that decision. <--- Once again, I can completely see that I was being over sensitive but when you want a baby, everything hurts.

To be honest though, even while I was pregnant the phrase kind of got on my nerves.
Now looking back as a mom of an (almost) 14 month old, I realize that the concept itself was very well intentioned... but maybe needed some different wording. 

So instead of saying "enjoy this time just the two of you".... here are some thoughts from me.

Just GO!
Want ice cream at 9pm? Go get it. 
Have a little extra cash and opportunity to sneak away for the weekend? Go use it!
Impulsive trips (big and small) are so much different when you have a diaper bag to pack and baby's needs to consider.

Then STAY...
Maybe travel is not your thing. Or maybe it is. Regardless... set aside at least one night just home every couple of weeks. Spend an hour cooking a nice dinner. Laugh while you tag team the kitchen. Watch a (non-animated) movie. Play a board game with lots of little pieces. Simply enjoy just being able to focus on each other without any other responsibility.

... on every single car ride, at the mall, in church. Just do it.
In the last few months Levi has finally been more happy riding in the back alone. But for several months, I really missed sitting up front with Joel and holding his hand. (Cheesy I know... go ahead and laugh, I don't mind.) And even now that's really the only time we get to hold hands. Even with just one kid, between the baby and the diaper bag and whatever else you're toting, holding hands just isn't something you think of or have 2 hands for.

ENJOY nights and mornings.
Nighttime will soon become all about pjs, diaper changes, feedings, and getting baby to sleep. Even if you have an early-to-bed crib sleeper, you'll be trying to use that time to catch up on 2-handed chores. Mornings are similar... there's not much just laying in bed snuggling. I love nights and mornings with our little man, but sometimes I wish we would have soaked in more the ones where it was just the two of us

Look forward to kids together.
Once you're pregnant, and especially once your baby arrives, you will spend majority of your conversation time talking about them. So that being said, don't daydream the season away. But just know that even though it will be different loving your spouse while also being a parent, it will be wonderful. Just when you love your spouse and child so much you feel like your heart might burst, you'll find them having moments like this. 

I literally snapped this while writing this blog.

But for real... the other night, I was taking a few minutes to get ready for bed and I heard Levi giggling like crazy. I stood and watched through the door of Levi's nursery as Joel did "this little piggy" to all of Levi's toes. He's done it so many times at this point that Levi goes crazy with laughter before Joel can even get to the "wee wee wee" part. My heart was in a puddle on the floor.

So yes, absolutely soak up this time. Enjoy the quiet. Enjoy the spontaneous. Enjoy each other. But know that when you get the chance to share the love for a child with the love of your life, it will be amazing. It will be a beautiful and glorious season that you wouldn't trade for a single second.

Now I'm off to go get ready. It's date night time.



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