Is strength the goal?

Somewhere along the way, strength became the goal. 
Strength became the pursuit. 
Strength became beautiful. 

Not physical strength or spiritual strength... but emotional strength.

Strength than enables you to hide your feelings. 
Smile when the world is crumbling. 
Hold back the tears at all costs.

Strength that allows you to focus on comforting others.
 Look past your circumstances. 
Take all the weight without crashing to the floor. 

So we go along seemingly unaffected. 
The world attacks but we are not moved. 
We do not cry and we would not dare respond to "how are you" with anything less than "good." 
We comfort the masses and try to make them strong too. 
We long to be known as the one who's "so strong," who's a "fighter," who can "push through." 
Hoping they'll never see the chaos inside.

Because all alone we cry. Or maybe we can overcome the tears then too. 

I've bought this lie so many times. When my dad died at age 16... no worries. I could handle it.
 When my stepdad destroyed my world at age 20... no worries. I had other tasks to focus on. 

And even now as I sit and write, I question. Have I shared too much of my struggle?
Does the world need to know the wrestle that infertility has brought to my life?
Will I no longer be strong?
Will they see me as weak, fragile, and broken?

But then I retreat to the Words that fuel my life. 

I see brokenness. I see heartbreak. I see tears. 

I see Job wishing he'd never been born. 
I see Hannah weeping bitterly in prayer. 
I see David pouring his longing before the Lord. 

And then.... I see Jesus. 
Mourning with tears over Lazarus. 
Asking if there be another way in the Garden. 
Hanging on a cross... broken. 

This is beautiful. 
This is love. 
This is real.

This is where ministry is. 
This is where friendship is. 
This is where strength is. 

Not the strength we muster up. 
Not the strength we pretend to have.
 Not the strength hidden behind a stoic face. 
But strength that is only given by Christ. Strength that comes through authentic distress.

There is a part of me that wants to only write happy stories. That wants to fill this space with recipes and memories and easy spiritual truths. That wants to forget about infertility altogether and never share the depths of my heart on here.

But I must choose to be vulnerable. To be broken. To be open.
Because that's where I'm at right now.

Because when we do it long enough and often enough, we find that others out there are struggling too. Others who need to know that it's okay to not be okay.

I'm not saying to sulk in  your problems or let your emotions rule your life. 
But there's freedom in realizing that your human. 
Made in the image of a God who was broken... a God who cried.
There's beauty and purpose and strength to be found.... in your weakness. 

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73.26

Last week was my weakest week yet in the battle of infertility.
But day after day, I got to witness HIS strength.
As my tears fell on the altar, I pleaded with the Lord for strength for this season.  

Not strength from being the happy girl with a smile on her face.... but strength that can only come from Him.
Not strength to hold back the tears but strength to let them fall. 
Not strength to be "okay" but strength to be broken and let Him work in my heart.
Not strength to just merely make it through this season.... but strength to accomplish His purpose in this valley. 

Won't you pray this with me? 
For you, for me, and for others in your life who may be in a valley. 




  1. This is beautifully stated... I love this post. Thank you for sharing!

  2. This reminds me of a scripture in the Book of Mormon that we are taught in high school seminary:
    Ether 12:27-28
    27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

    28 Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weakness, and I will show unto them that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me—the fountain of all righteousness.

    You have been made strong in your weakness to help others who haven't been able to find that strength yet.

  3. Amen! Vulnerability and showing where we don't have it all together is definitely a version of strength. When we hold all our hurt in we're really just tearing ourselves up inside. God desires us to turn our burdens onto Him and to rely on His children for help getting us through.

  4. We see over and over in Scripture God's call to weakness and to strength. He tells us that in our weakness His strength is made perfect.... I love that. Even though the transparency is sometimes hard and I have this great pull to be "sunshine and rainbows", I'm thankful that God uses my weakness for His glory.

  5. Amen. I think sometimes others need to see us weak too. I was many times in school referred to as the "perfect Christian girl." It made me sad because Lord knows I'm far from perfect. My friends often thought I had it all together. I can remember my sister one time telling time that I had the perfect life..... Obviously no one does. While I've struggled with many things in my life, this has been the most difficult struggle.... I think it's good for people to see that we can't all have it together all the time.

  6. I totally know what you mean about being called the "perfect Christian girl." Sometimes I wanted to stand up on a table and shout that I do bad things too!

  7. This is one of the most BEaUtiful things I've read all week! Thank you for being transparent and for being strong enough to be weak! I pray that the Lord will bless you as you have so richly blessed others. That out of his great abundance of love, grace and mercy, he will grant you EVERY desire of your heart. I pray he will be close beside you in every step of the journey and that you will feel and sense His Abiding Presence with you in this season.

    Psalm 56:8 says this: "You have seen me tossing and turning through the night. You have collected all my tears and preserved them in your bottle! You have recorded every one in your book." Our tears are precious to Him!

    Prayers for the journey, Jody

  8. Such wonderful words <3 Thank you Jody. For the prayer and the encouragement!


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