To the single woman waiting for the perfect man

Dear Single Sisters,

Before you write me off thinking I'm going to tell you to stop waiting for the perfect man, read on.

First of all, I want you to know that I think of you often... I think of you when you're bridesmaids in weddings and when engagements pop up like flowers around Christmas. I think of you tons around this time of year when everyone seems to be celebrating their someone. I know many of you don't mind it, some of you ignore it and some of you insist that it's the worst holiday ever. I remember those days and I want to share a piece of my heart with you. 

Most, I've come to find, would consider that young. But it didn't feel young to me.

Maybe that's because the tiny town I call home tended to have people married off by 20. 
Maybe that's because most of my friends dated through high school and were engaged through college.
Maybe that's because everyone in the world seemed to be asking me, "so have you met anyone yet?"

But I would dare say it was largely in part to my lack {and by lack I mean non-existence} of dating.
When I was 3 months shy of 23, my now husband took me on my very first date. 
Yep... you read that right. 

It's something I'm happy about now but I can't say I was celebrating it when I was spending many Friday/Saturday nights at home watching chick flicks in high school & college. 

In the midst of my {what felt like eternity} singleness, I got a lot of flack about my dating views and my expectations in a man.
(Which neither of I regret by the way.) 
Even the closest people to me would question my standards insisting that I was "waiting for the perfect man who would never come." 

I never get charged with a question to that degree without wondering if it's true.
So... I prayed. And I read. And I wrote.
It seemed that more I sifted through my standards, the higher my standards got.
The list that so many had tried to convince me to minimize only seemed to expand.

I'll admit... there were days I wondered. Days that I prayed over that list and wondered if he existed.
But then there would come peace. Confirmation that God had this all worked out. 

I saw many of my friends in destructive relationships wasting time, money and (worst of all) their hearts and that was one of my biggest motivations to wait. 
I realized I would rather be single and wondering than pouring out pieces I would never get back to guys that had no place in my future. 

I commonly prayed that God would not let a man pursue me and me enter a relationship with him unless he was my husband.
So all of those dateless nights?.... I was actually asking for them.

Here's the truth... as I'm sure you've been told a million times (just as I was), there is no perfect man but Jesus. 
And they (all those pushing you to rush into a relationship) are right about that. 

BUT what many fail to take into account is this....
"Every good and every perfect gift is from above..." (James 1.17) 
Catch that? PERFECT. 

No my husband is not a "perfect" man. But he is a gift. 
He was the "perfect" man for me.
As in, it's who God had chosen for me in His "perfect" will. 

He's the "perfect" Christian for me to minister with.
He's the "perfect" person for me do life beside.
He's the "perfect" parent for me to one day raise kids with.
In God's "perfect" plan, he is PERFECT for me.

My husband met every standard I had down (including be willing to save kissing for engagement AND excited to have however many kids God gives).... that's a God thing right there.

I have seen His beautiful faithfulness & goodness in this area of my life and my worry is that there are Christian girls (young & old) dating and, even worse, marrying men that aren't perfect for them.
Not because these women are offering grace to men in their morality. (Which they should be.)
Not because they are setting low standards. (Which they shouldn't be)
BUT because America, the church, families, friends and people who are brief acquaintances are telling them (and you) to "stop waiting for the perfect man."

So single, Christian woman... I'm telling you something different.... 

Get a piece of paper and search through Scripture to see qualities of a godly man.
Go listen to sermons about Biblical manhood and what it looks like. (There's a great series here.)
Watch your dad, pastor or a man you see Christ shining through and pick out qualities about him.
Look into your own life & heart. 
See your shortcomings and look for a man who is strong in those areas.
Think on your passions and missions and desires for future and find a man who wants to live that life with you.
Decide your convictions and find someone who has similar ones.
And then... most importantly ... PRAY.

Ask God to show you what standards to set.
Ask Him to give you the patience to wait.
Ask Him to make you merciful to those who try to stop you.
Ask Him to prepare your husband and help him wait as well.
Ask Him to teach you grace for the areas that he will fail.
Ask Him to mold you into the woman your husband needs.
Ask Him to bring His perfect gift in His perfect timing... 
not matter how many evenings of Ben & Jerry's it cost you.

He will be worth the wait (as cliche as that sounds).
And the truth God speaks into your heart during the mean time will be invaluable. 

With love, 



  1. I love this! Justin is by no means the perfect man, but he is perfect for me. I didn't want to date my last year of college--I had just gotten out of a bad relationship...but he was thrown into my life. He also didn't want to date that year--he had just had a bad and traumatizing relationship and doctor's diagnosis. But, then he caught sight of me. We were put together in the right place at the right time. We believe we were meant for each other.

  2. Loved this post!!! So many girls are so eager to settle down and get married and find that man, and they rush away their single life or end up settling.

  3. Yes they are! And sadly the church is encouraging it often.

  4. :) So sweet! I know exactly what you mean. At the same time that I was fighting God to stay in East TN, Joel was fighting God to move out west. God brought me to Delaware the exact same Fall that He prevented Joel from moving to CA. So crazy to think about :)

  5. This is true. And yes, it's a great goal to have, and I think you should always be preparing for that stage in life and to be the kind of person you need to be to get married, but it shouldn't be pressured so much.


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