What to Expect When NOT Expecting

When Joel and I first got married I had SO many expectations about having a baby. 
I knew that there were couples out there who struggled to get pregnant but to be honest... I didn't think it would be us. The comments started before we ever said "I do" that we would have a honeymoon baby. Some of our friends had even cast their vote for when we would make a big announcement. Most guessing Thanksgiving. My guess was more like Christmas.

I had expectations that I would start throwing up and get 2 lines on a stick. 
I had expectations that we'd have a baby (at least on the way) by our 1 year anniversary. 
I had expectations that I'd be making an appointment with an OB not a Fertility Doctor. 
I had expectations that I'd be buying "What to Expect when Expecting." 

But Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went (TWICE) and here I sit in the middle of my 15th Two Week Wait. {I've recently discovered many don't know what that is.... It's the 2 week time slot between you could be pregnant to finding out if you are.} This time of the month is harder for me than any other. My mind seems to go a little crazy. In this past week alone I've experience most of the feelings/situations I would warn someone of if getting a bun in the oven doesn't come easy. 
So here it is...

What to Expect When NOT Expecting

 You will cry... a ton. 
At Pampers, Dove, & Whirlpool washing machine commercials. 
At movies, Facebook, and TV shows. 
At babies of your friends, at church, and on the street. 

 You will convince yourself you are pregnant... over every little ache. 
While this doesn't happen every month, it does happen quite a bit. This month I started feeling strange a few days ago and of course my first thought was "maybe I'm pregnant."

You will wonder if you'll every have a baby. 
So this one didn't set in until about 5-6 months of trying. All of sudden when you realize you're not like your Fertile Myrtle friends who get pregnant right away, you start to wonder if it will ever happen for you.

You will become easily annoyed by people trying to "help" you. 
It's not intentional...but eventually after you hear, "Just relax. It will happen," 100 billion times you start to get agitated. I have to constantly remind myself of other's intentions when they suggest so nonchalantly that, "My time is coming." 

You will be jealous... of anyone & everyone who is pregnant. 
Of friends, family, acquaintances, TV stars, and complete strangers you encounter. 

You will gain new intimacy with God. 

You will be used... if you let God use you. 
This season is a very private one for most. But I love when my story can help someone else or just make them feel not so alone. Even if you're not willing to blab it to the world like I do, consider sharing with some around you. You'll be surprised how many people will pop up that you never knew dealt with this struggle. There is joy to be found in these connections... Joy in praying with and for other women walking the same road you are. 

I pray for the women that read these words that sit in their own version of the two week wait.
I would love to pray for you by name.

I pray that those who've never struggled with infertility will reach out and comfort to those who are. 

This journey is interesting. It's heartbreaking and it's disappointing. But like any trial the Lord sends you through, it is also joyous and useful when you let it be. I'm thankful for it strangely enough. 
I wouldn't trade these months of waiting... but I would be over the moon if this were my last two week wait before Miller baby #1. 

For those of you who've experienced this season, what would you add to the list? 


Check out the latest series of stories of hope under Wonderfully Filled Wombs
See more Confessions of the Two Week Wait here.



  1. I LOVED this post Brandy, loved it so much. We chose to wait a little bit to have kids after we were married, and although we were blessed to not have this type of struggle, in the months between my miscarriage and getting pregnant with this little one, I could really relate to some of these. The convincing myself that I was pregnant one was a huge one and Joe was convinced that taking pregnancy tests was my new hobby (good thing I bought cheap ones).
    The biggest thing I learned in the time frames when we weren't expecting and I so badly wanted to be was that God's timeline is ALWAYS better than ours. I'm a huge planner, I like to feel in control of every detail of my life, and I feel like the one thing I learned last year, through a lot of big moments (because I'm stubborn and it takes some big things to teach me) was that I have to turn all control over to Him. Making plans and having goals is great, but I need to be willing to shift them and enjoy what God sends my way because it's the best thing for me. And I always look back and smile because he knew what I needed so much better than I did, I'm sometimes just too stubborn to accept that in the moment, even though I've learned it time and time again.
    So excited to colab with you soon!! I need to send you an e-mail in the next few weeks so we can get brainstorming :)

  2. Thank you so much for being open about this on your blog! I know that it will encourage so many women who are going through the same thing.

  3. Thanks Amberly! I would test everyday if I could haha. You're so right... His timeline is always better. I can look back over the last year and see so many reasons He hasn't given us a baby.... unfortunately that doesn't remove the longing (as I know you can relate to). I too am a planner and I have to fight that tendency in myself but I know He's writing some beautiful story here that right now I'm only seeing the middle chapters. Thanks for the encouragement :)

    And I'm SO SO excited to work with you! :) I've got lots of wheels turning about that post! :)

  4. This is beautiful Brandy and so true! I hope readers currently going through infertility can take heart with your words that they are not alone in the struggle.

  5. I love your last two reasons! You are an amazing Woman of God!

  6. Thanks Whitney... that is my hope too.

  7. Thanks Tayler.... as I'm sure you see they are 2 out of 4 ha. The other 4 I am not greatly proud of but I am convinced that unless I am real with those first 4, I cannot arrive at the last 2. It's in those moment of "ugly cries" (yes, I had one this morning) that God comes and speaks to my hearts in ways that amaze me. It is in the questioning and the convincing and jealousy that I am reminded that I am sinful and i need Him and Him alone to fill me up. Thanks for always being such an encouraging reader around here :)

  8. Thank you for writing this! It has been over 2 years that my husband and I have tried for a baby. We have lost 4 and it is the hardest!! Everything that you wrote is soo true. For me I would add that I have grown closer with my husband!! Going through the struggle and leaning on Christ has knit us together in a way I never knew possible. For some this may not be true but I am blessed that my husband leads me to Jesus when I want to just sit down and scream!! Thank you for writing. :)

  9. Erika, I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost 4 precious babies. I am praying for you today.

    That is such a great point and I'm so encouraged to hear that. For many marriages it pulls them apart. It has definitely made us closer and dig deeper into each others feelings and thoughts and dreams. Thanks for sharing that and thanks for reading!


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