Why I stopped praying for a baby "as soon as possible."


Yesterday morning at 5am, I woke up to excruciating cramps and the heart-sinking knowledge that this was not our month. Tears streamed as the pain came.
Another month gone.
Another chance lost.

Another 28-36 days of wondering WHEN?
I spent most of the day on the couch or in the tub or under the sheets.
There was this tendency in me to want to scream at God.... 
"Why didn't You give me what I've prayed for?"
"When will it be my turn?"

But then I remembered..... He did give me what I prayed for.... 
See a few months ago, I finished a book that shaped my prayer life incredibly and boy did it come at just the right time. I had purchased this book during the Fall of 2013 when Joel and I were knee deep in wedding planning. I was in the middle of another Mark Batterson book that had been quite challenging when a close friend started raving about The Circle Maker. It just so happened to be on sale when I ordered Joel's birthday present and I had been wanting to purchase it for a few months.
It got tucked away in the boxes and totes with all my books when moving into Joel's house and I had kind of forgotten about it. 

This past summer I had just finished up a book and was trying to figure out what to read next. That's when I discovered it in my long lost collection. I was debating between it and a couple other books 
Joel had suggested, along with some others in my archive. 

My decision became clear on a hot mid-July day and to be real, not a good one. After being 2 months post-op from my shoulder surgery, I thought for sure it was finally our month. I had been wrestling for days with my thoughts and was trying so hard not to get my hopes up.... but let's be honest, my hopes were up. Then the realization hit me like a Mack truck on a slippery mountain runaway.... we were not pregnant... again. I was devastated if I'm being totally transparent. I cried and cried and cried some more. I sat down to spend some time with the Lord. I started to pray and couldn't find words. I was so shocked we weren't having a baby. I had prayed so hard. It made no sense. It was then The Circle Maker caught my eye. Lord knew I needed some wisdom on prayer... something besides the cliche "trust in God's timing" I was hearing all around. 
(Please don't get me wrong, I totally believe God's timing is perfect but that's not the fix all answer everyone wants to think it is.) 

So in a moment of desperation for a new perspective and a new prayer, I started reading this book.
There were so many moments while reading that my eyes were opened and my heart was full that I could never walk you through all of them in one post (although I did mention some in this one). The overall challenge was to Dream Big, Pray Hard, Think Long. The entire text was packed with truth and Scripture and stories of God's faithfulness but the section that got me the most was "Think Long." 

Like many other Americans, when I want something I want it NOW. Anyone else out there like that?

God is constantly shaping me in patience from the Spirit. 

It was a Thursday when He spoke through the chapter titled "Keep Circling" and by circling He means praying. Batterson told of this huge hike that him and his son had completed and then he said this... "The degree of satisfaction is directly proportional to the degree of difficulty. The harder the climb, the sweeter the summit. The same is true with prayer. The more you have to circle something in prayer, the more satisfying it is spiritually. And, often, the more glory God gets. Until recently, I wanted God to answer every prayer ASAP. That is no longer my agenda. I don't want easy answers or quick answers because I have a tendency to mishandle the blessings that come too easily or too quickly. I take the credit or take them for granted. So now I pray it will take long enough and be hard enough for God to receive all of the glory. I'm not looking for the path of least resistance; I'm looking for the path of greatest glory. And that requires high-degree-of-difficulty prayers and lots of circling.

This paragraph rocked my world. 

So often I pray for something AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Anyone with me? 

Especially in praying for a baby... "God please give us a little Miller AS SOON AS POSSIBLE." 

What I realized after reading this was that what I had been praying was silly really.... 
here's why.... "For nothing will be impossible with God" (Luke 1.37). 









































It was "possible" for God to give us a baby the month we got married. 
It was "possible" for Him to give us a baby in July when I  had prayed so very hard. 
It was "possible for Him to give us a baby this starting month of 2015.
Heck... He's God. It was "possible" for Him to give us a baby before we were ever intimate... case and point, MARY. 

His ability to make it happen is not what is lacking. 
His provision, His plan, His glory, that's what's holding us back from conceiving. 
I'm not saying that I get this or that I'm always happy about it.
 I'm not saying that makes it easy to know God is able but He's not giving
I am saying that my prayer has changed...
In everything in my life I want God to receive the maximum glory possible.... no matter what it takes.
And because of that my prayer has changed 
from 
"God, give us a baby as soon as possible
to 
"God, I'll wait and pray as long as it takes. 
As long as it takes for you to get the most glory possible. 
As long as it takes for others to see your power. 
As long as it takes for you to shape my heart and grow my marriage. 
As long as it takes for you to get all the praise."
Batterson finished the chapter saying, "Maybe we need to change our prayer approach from as soon as possible to as long as it takes."
Maybe you, like I did, need a new prayer.
 
What are you waiting on that you that you need to pray as long as it takes?

What have you prayed for in the past that God answered in a time to receive all glory?
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CONVERSATION

18 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing. I'm not in the same boat as in praying for children but I do have other prayers that I have been praying to happen sooner rather than later. Our God is an awesome God of power and possibilities and sometimes it's easy to slip into our human language when talking to Him. Thanks for the reminder that God is powerful and that he is able even though the timing may not be his. God Bless.

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  2. Wow..that's amazing! I've been debating reading this book. I've heard it's amazing and I bought it and like you it as say on my kindle shelf and gathered dust. I think I will pick it up and start reading! Thanks so much friend!! :)

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  3. Thanks Faith! You so so so should! It is such an excellent read! It will cause your heart to stretch and dream in amazing ways!

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  4. We are praying for children, as well, and I think this book will bring comfort and understanding and renewed faith. I love your perspective, and it helps me, as well! Thank you for sharing.

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  5. It so is Kimberly. I find myself praying phrases that in light of scripture make no sense at all ha. Thanks for the encouragement.

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  6. mmm. He teaches us so much through Patience. And He reminds us that there is so much He has for us right now, if we would just listen. Praying for you and trust and peace :)

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  7. This really stuck a chord with me! All of last year we had such an excruciating time finding a place that we could afford to live with a baby coming in July, and a job for my husband who graduated college at that same time, too. But, everything in both departments kept falling apart. Finally, we trusted in God and a two weeks before I gave birth, we found a place and in October, Justin found a job and has already gone through two promotions there. It was the place where we needed to be and they came on God's timing, not ours.

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  8. Every tome you post something like this it's exactly what I needed to hear. I'm going to have to order this book!


    It's been a crazy 10 days with my best friend going into labor at 28 weeks, discovering that the baby had a birth defect that needed immediate surgery, and her and her husband moving in with us to be close to the hospital they moved the baby to that happened to be 4 blocks from us. I see now that I wouldn't have been able to be there for her if I had also been pregnant along with her and I can see God's timing and provision over all of it. He keeps telling me "not yet" as each month goes by, and I'm starting to almost be content with continuing to wait.

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  9. Wow! Don't you love when He does that!? When I moved to Delaware to be in ministry I had a similar situation. I knew I was moving and God had confirmed October but i didn't have a place to live. Two weeks before I moved from 400 miles away God provided a place with a woman who didn't even go to the church I was coming to work for! But God hadn't taught me this lesson yet haha so I was freaking out going "GOD, why haven't you provided a place to live yet?" lol.

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  10. Thanks Whitney! :) That's so sweet... and if you only knew how much I love hugs... :)

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  11. so wild. So sorry to hear that for your friend. It's so crazy how God works that out. Husband and I have made a huge decision that I will be sharing soon on the blog. If we had been pregnant when I wanted to be... there's no way we would have made that choice.


    You should so read that book :) It's a good one!

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  12. Yes yes He does Elizabeth. Thank you so much for your prayers.

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  13. I'm so glad Gennie. It's a tough season of waiting but God teaches so much in waiting on HIs blessings. Thanks for coming by.

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  14. Joni Keichline' ArnaoJanuary 29, 2015 at 4:27 PM

    Beautiful: )

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  15. Oh girl, I feel you on this one. I am guilty of wanting instant gratification when I ask for something. God has definitely been teaching me to wait on his timing instead of mine. And it's always better, even though it is so hard to be in the in-between.

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  16. Oh me too! So so much.... He keeps teaching me new aspects of the same seasons over and over again ha.

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