my dream about Pa...

We are wrapping up our time in CA with Joel's family. I'll be blogging soon of our adventures here.
With the holidays especially, I've had Pa on my mind quite a bit. Last year at Thanksgiving, he was so happy to call and tell me that in my absence he'd wanted to lead the prayer. Even though he's not with us this Thanksgiving, I can't help but be thanful when I miss him.

I had a dream about Pa the other day. I'd had a restless night due to my cold and returned to Sleepyland after sending Joel off to work. The dream was strange... but clear. All of my family was part of this battle reenactment and it was my job to "protect" Pa. It took the first half of the dream for me to realize that it was a reenactment so nothing bad could actually happen. Before I had that realization I was running around in the dream like a mad woman trying to keep Pa safe.
 Crazy dream... I know. 

Pa would have said that it meant something. I was probably 9 or 10 the first time he gave me a book on the meaning of dreams. He believed they were signs. I don't know what I believe on dreams. But I do believe God can use anything to tell you something or bring you comfort. And that's what the dream did. It brought me comfort. For a few minutes it felt like I got to spend time with him again. 

It's been over 6 months now since we said 'See ya later'. 
I miss him.
I miss beating him in card games and being accused of cheating. 
I miss sitting up late to catch the end of the Yankee games with him. 
I miss calling him to chat about the weather or the state of the country.
I miss having him rant about his latest conspiracy theory. 
I miss the way his oily cheek felt against my lips as I kissed him goodnight or goodbye. 
I miss him calling me "baby doll" and unlike coming from anyone else, it not irking me.
I miss him leaning over and saying "you think we could con ma into making some candy for us?"
I miss the big smile he had when I walked through the door and the great big bear hug that followed. 
I miss him showing me old pictures and telling me about buildings and people I had no clue about. 
I miss how he'd laugh at everything Steve Harvey said while watching Family Fued. 
I miss it all. 
I miss him.

I'm so thankful the memories and the love that fills my heart when he comes to mind. 
But more than that I'm thankful that everytime I miss him I get to praise God for his salvation. 
I get to praise God that he died leaving me no doubt about where he was headed. 
I praise God that he and I will be reunited one day and he'll greet me with a smile and a bear hug and I'll kiss him on the cheek... Not saying goodbye though, because we'll never have to say that again. 
I praise God for that peace that I have. 

As I reflect back on that dream, I can't help but think of how oddly it parallels to our relationship. 
For at least 10 years I prayed for his salvation. I prayed that he would give his life to Christ. 
I would have done anything to protect him from Hell. 
Three months before he died I got the best realization he could have given me. 
I received the comfort of knowing he was and is protected.
 He's covered in the blood of Christ and death didn't separate him from God,
 but rather made his faith be sight.
 I will never stop praising The Lord for that.




  1. I just lost my papa recently so though no situation is the same, I can relate to a lot of this. Thank you for being so open and real.

  2. So sorry to hear that Nina. I hope this post brought back sweet memories for you to enjoy :)


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