6 Simple ways to live as one flesh

Husband and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary Sunday!
In Saturday's post Becoming WE, I talked about us coming to the altar as two I's and leaving the altar as a WE. This foundational truth of marriage is found in Genesis 2:24:
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, 
and they shall become ONE flesh."
Living that way is easier said than done and we aren't about to claim we have discovered a magic trick.
If you have entered into a Christian marriage with pastoral marriage counseling, I'm sure you've heard the many textbook answers.... pray together, read God's word together, go to church together, and don't forsake the physical unity given from God. Don't let divorce be an option. Never go to bed angry.
You get the picture.... Please don't get me wrong! 
These are all of GREAT importance and we do our best to incorporate them each and every one! 
However the few things I want to share with you today may seem much more irrelevant to you;
but I share them because after a year of doing them, I know they make a difference.I realized this especially when I sat down to write Husband an anniversary card. As I reflected back on our wedding day and thought about the joy of that sunshine-filled Fall day, I couldn't help but think of the many everyday moments that fill my heart even more.The habits, actions, and conversations that go on almost daily in our home that define our relationship.
These are the moments that fill our memory jar, grow our Spiritual walk, and bond us together.

These are 6 simple ways to live as one flesh:
1. Go to bed together and get up together.
I know every situation is different and sometimes this can be very hard to do. 
But if there is any way possible you can make it happen... do it. 
For us this is not an easy one but it's a "house rule" we set before we ever got married. 
See, I am a night owl! I am most productive and creative at night. 
Before Joel I would stay up working or reading or journaling until 12, 1, or 2am. 
Husband,on the other hand, has to get up at 5:15am for work. 
So by 10:30, he is ready to be asleep and it seems my mind is just getting going.
Often times us going to bed together involves Joel going to sleep, me snuggling him until I've laid awake for an hour, me picking up my phone and pinteresting or jotting notes on my phone, 
then me finally going to sleep. This of course leaves me incredibly tired at 5:15am. 
So usually getting up together usually involves him waking me up after his shower, me packing lunch and pouring cereal, kissing him goodbye, going back for another hour or two of snooze until my mom calls on her way to work. 
It's not ideal. I keep being told that whenever I finally get pregnant this will all change and our sleep patterns will match.... I can only hope this happens.
In the meantime though, I wouldn't trade our routine for a second. Every sleepless minute in our bed is worth the time spend being in his arms before sleep. Every drowsy minute of my interrupted sleep is worth the short period I get to pack his lunch and kiss him goodbye. 
On weekend nights, he stays up late with me (or snoozes on the couch while I blog, read, or plan) and then we sleep in more. 
It gives us more minutes together a day. 

 2. Laugh together.
You are (hopefully) going to laugh with someone in your life. Maybe many people. 
But that main someone should be your spouse. How better to be best friends?
Whether it's playing a competitive board game, watching Family Feud, having a tickle war, using funny voices, reminiscing on funny memories or singing Frozen songs for every situation... Husband are laughing together daily. Some might think that's childish or silly... 
 but I think it adds joy to our marriage and memories in our memory jar.
3. Learn to say I'm sorry for ________________.
If you have an enjoyable marriage, then you've learned to say "I'm sorry." Nothing in my life has made me realize my selfishness and shortcomings like marriage. It's not easy to say "I'm sorry," but saying "I'm sorry" is much easier than admitting your offense and saying what your sorry for.
Honestly, it stinks and I don't like it. When we do it though, it helps me/him recognize what we've done to wound the other. It helps us see each other's heart, thoughts, and remorse. I strengthens our relationship with each other and our relationship with Christ. 

4. Observe and evaluate.
This is something we did from the beginning of our relationship, through engagement, and even more so in marriage. When I really got to spend some time with Momma Miller last month this was a key that she emphasized over and over. 
Here's what I mean.... as you go through life, observe other marriages/families. 
Watch how they live, love, parent, school, grow, work, and worship. 
Once you've observed, evaluate.
Talk about together what you see that you want to imitate 
and what you see that you want to avoid.
Talk about how you want to handle arguments, finances, 
illness, babies, schooling, delegating, disciplining etc.
You obviously will never cover everything before it occurs but it helps put you on the same page.It's been so helpful in our marriage already and I'm sure it will be even more beneficial in the future.
It also helps us appreciate the godly example of those around us. It makes us pay attention to how good of a father someone is or how loving a wife someone is that we may not have noticed.

5. Plan home time... together!
Some of you are probably reading this and thinking... well duh.
But for those of you in ministry, with demanding jobs, or kids involved in everything I'm sure you can relate. Some weeks, like this one, this is not an issue. We actually have 4 evenings this week that nothing outside the home is planned........ 
that is such an anomaly for the Millers.
A typical week for us can mean 5+ evenings of outside plans or hosting between our LifeGroup, young marrieds group, individual discipleship's, Tuesday night Bible Studies, family get togethers, and other events.It's a tad overwhelming some weeks. 
We plan at least one evening a week to be home, have a non-rushed dinner, do our Bible study together, and just hang out.We prefer for us to have 2+ but it just doesn't always happen.
I cherish those evenings. I cherish that time.
6. Dream together!
I would dare so most everyone dreams in some way or another. 
Some imagine. Some plan. Some research. Some set goals. 
Some journal. All dream. 
So dream together.
I love the moments when we're in the car, laying in bed at night, or sharing a meal that we sit and dream about the future.
We dream about what God will do with our lives. 
We dream about the places we will live and the ministries we will be part of. 
We dream about the children we'll have. 
We dream about the trips we'll take and the fun we'll have.\
We dream about eternity.  

I hope you too will find the joy and the oneness found in these simple ways. We would love to hear from you! What helps you and your spouse live as one flesh? 
Comment below or email at brandymillerwriting@gmail.com!

More marriage/wedding/anniversary blogs coming your way this week!



  1. Happy Anniversary to you guys!! This is the sweetest post! Your love for each other is obvious. Going to bed at the same time has been very important in our marriage, we've always done that, however I naturally need less sleep than my husband so I tend to wake up an hour or two before him every day!

    1. Thank you so much for your sweet words! :) The last two mornings I've actually went to sleep when he did and stayed up after he left (with the help of coffee of course)!!! YAY! Maybe my body is finally catching on!

  2. I love how practical these ideas are! My boyfriend and I are still dating, but I love learning from posts like this for the future. I've heard all those textbook answers, but I love how you took it a step further and talked about how living as one flesh actually looks in the day to day.

  3. Thanks Jenna! When I was single and dating and prepping for marriage, so many of the blogs I found were very general. I've found that specific tips help trigger my creativity more than general ones! I'm glad you enjoyed them!


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